How to motivate yourself to do things you don't want to.

Unmotivated? You're not alone.

You know that feeling when you feel like you have to do something you don't want to? For me, it's if I have to go to the gym to work out. Especially stationary bikes, I hate them. Which is weird, because it's a really hard workout. And I should do it more often in the winter when it's too cold to bike outside. And I kind of hate it!

Before I even drag myself to the gym, I’m already dreading it. The only way I can convince myself to do it is by finding a suitably engaging YouTube video I can distract myself with on my phone while I huff and puff. 

Every time, I start my warm-up and think to myself, “It’s only 30 minutes, I can do this!”

Like clockwork, within the first three minutes, I think, “Maybe I will only do ten minutes today and do some pilates or weights instead.”

After ten minutes, I think, “OK, surely I can make it to 20 minutes, and that will be enough”.

After 20 minutes, as I gasp for air and sweat soaks through my shirt, I think “Well, I already made it to 20 minutes… I guess I will just finish it.”

And then I proceed to huff and puff to the end, wherein I walk my wobbly legs back up the stairs to do a cooldown. At which point I think, “That suuuuuucked…” And then congratulate myself on finishing as I try to get my heart rate back to normal. 🥵

This mental dance happens, without fail, every single time I go to the gym. 

I share this anecdote because it illustrates how tricky motivation can be, especially when faced with something you don’t want to do or have been procrastinating on. There are any number of things you have to deal with in your life that you don’t want to. There are even things you might generally enjoy that feel like they are hanging over you. 

The pattern often goes like this:

• Before you start, it feels daunting, and the prospect lingers in the back of your mind. You know it needs to be done, but you really, really don’t feel like it. You leave it until it starts to loom larger and larger.
• When you finally convince yourself to start, it’s not what you want to be doing, but it’s generally fine. It’s often not even as bad as you thought it would be, and it feels good to make progress.
• As you near the end, you can even push yourself a little to wrap it up and get it off your plate.
• When it’s over, you feel relieved, like a weight has been taken off your shoulders, and you are both pleased with yourself and a little annoyed that it took you so long to deal with.

Sound familiar?😳

Motivation is a topic

Motivation is a topic that comes up when I talk to others who are living with brain injury and struggling with fatigue, as they navigate the various complexities of their lives. In some ways, motivation seems as a simple thing. Asking yourself, “Why can’t I just make myself be motivated to do the thing?”, whatever the thing might be. However, as you beat yourself up about it, consider that many factors influence our decision-making and the feeling of being motivated.

I believe that motivation is not just a topic when trying to get back on your feet after illness or other life challenges, it is a topic for many people from time to time in life. In my working career, I work a lot with motivating people, and this story is a collection of my experiences from past times that I somehow try to adapt to my new life situation.

Negative motivational factors

We humans are complex creatures, with numerous brain chemicals and hormones influencing our overall physical and emotional state, which themselves are constantly impacted, sometimes drastically, by things like:

• Have you been sleeping well and enough?
• Have you been eating well and the right amount for you?
• Have you been drinking in alcohol or other things?
• Have you been moving your body regularly?
• Are you in pain?
• Do you have significant life stressors at this time?
• What time of day is it?
• Where are you in your natural hormone cycles?
• How old are you?
• Have you had any conflicts in your life recently?
• Did you sleep in a slightly different position than usual, and now your back will never be the same again?
• Did you move your body in a way that was completely within your normal routine, but seemingly in a way that no longer suited your new situation?

I could go on, but you get the idea.😅

All of these factors (and more) conspire to shift your mood, physical energy, and mental energy, often making it harder to muster the motivation to do things. So what, then, can you do to move things in the right direction? How do you motivate yourself to do a thing you don’t want to do?

First, you mindset

• Mind Your Mindset
  • Yes, I know you want the practical stuff, but before we can get there, we must touch on the most essential thing regarding motivation – your mindset!. As human beings, we tend to be mules (I know that’s not very nice, but hear me out). Mules are incredibly stubborn when uncomfortable; they don’t like to be prodded. They will not move. When we feel overwhelmed, we are the same way too. We often let our feelings form our actions. We want to wait until we “feel” like doing something to begin. 
  • But at the end of the day, unless you realize you have to “want” the results, you will remain stuck. You’ve heard you can lead a horse to water but can’t make him drink. It’s the same with motivation. I can give you all the tips and tools, but you will not see a positive change in your life unless you want it and put in the hard work to take the following steps. I know that’s tough love, but good friends share the truth in love, and they cheer you on along the way! You can do it, I belive in you.
• Take a Small Step
  • The hardest part of riding a bike is getting on and taking that first pedal. Once you pedal, the momentum will carry you forward until you stop and must start again. So, let’s assume the principle and apply it to getting motivated.
  • What’s the most effortless first pedal you can do to get you started? What’s a small step you can take that will going? For me, it’s getting a cup of coffee and making my bed. Those two things get me up and going for the day. Getting dressed, read the news, and creating a brain dump to-do list for the day, is also helpful.
  • The hardest part is getting started. Instead of aiming for perfection right out of the gate, focus on taking small, simple steps towards your goal. Every little bit of progress counts, and simple steps lead to purposeful progress. Remember consistency over perfection.
• Break a Big Goal into Smaller Goals
  • When faced with a daunting task like cleaning your entire house, feeling overwhelmed and unmotivated is easy. Just typing that made me feel overwhelmed😱. Instead of focusing on the big picture, break it down into smaller, achievable goals. In the same way, as we touched on above, little by little, one simple act after another, you’ll build momentum and make progress on those big tasks. And again, forget about perfection.
  • When we have a big project ahead of us, we often let negative thoughts creep into our minds. “You can’t do this.” “It’s too much work.” We stopped before we began. When I decided to write about my journey, the task felt daunting. So, I broke it down into smaller tasks.
  • When you feel like you don’t have much time to complete a big task, you must first break it down into bite-size pieces. Time is not your enemy..., I will get back to that longer down on this page😁
• Think about why you are feeling unmotivated
  • When your body isn’t feeling good, it’s harder to make it do things.
  • When your mind is tired, distracted, or overwhelmed, it’s challenging to focus and accomplish tasks.
  • When the thing you need to do isn’t important to you or something you don’t like, it’s hard to make yourself do it.
  • Just having a bad day.
• When you know why you aren't motivated, you can think about what you could change to make things easier on yourself. What factors do you have control over?
  • Mood - Is there something that will help boost your mood? Go for a ten-minute walk, treat yourself with some good food, text your best friend for a pep talk, turn on your favourite tunes… anything that will give you a little pick-me-up.
  • Negative or fear motivators - Is the thing you are not motivated to do being motivated by negative or fear motivators? These include things like fear of judgment from others, fear of failing, shame, guilt, or obligation. These motivators only go so far and deserve further examination to determine their place in your priorities. Maybe they aren’t things you need fear in the first place. 
  • Body - Are there things you can do to take care of your body to make it feel better? Try some stretching, take a nap, meditate, read a book, get some fresh air, go for a run, eat a comfort meal, or do anything that will help your body feel less stressed.

The most important point here is to identify where you have control and where you don't, and then do your best to adapt so that it becomes easier to take action to find what motivates you.

Knowing what limits you, both in your mind and other factors, is the first step to overcoming demotivation. For me, this was the hardest part, to be honest to myself, admit the bad sides of myself.

Identify what does motivate you

When you think about the various activities and tasks you do each day, what is it that encourages you to do them? Some of those things will be negative motivators, as I mentioned above, but others will be things you do for fun, because they are interesting or rewarding. These are some tactics to consider for things that might help motivate you:

• Combine the task with something you enjoy
  • You know what makes cleaning he house a lot better? Some good music. What about an audiobook while you cook dinner. Some powerful groovy rhythm music on the training lap! Think about the things you enjoy and consider how you can combine them with the thing you're trying to motivate yourself to do.
• Celebrate milestones
  • Beyond small, planned rewards, having something to look forward to as you make progress on your task or activity can also encourage you to keep going. Reward yourself with something you enjoy, order your favorite food, or simply share it with someone you care about.
• Figure out your own motivations
  • Think about, sometimes it's the things you hate to do that make you happy when you've done them. For me, it's cleaning the house, I struggle to find the motivation to get started, but I find it because I know how good the feeling its is when ist done.
  • Some of my motivation factors is:
    • The feeling that what I do makes a difference for someone, for others, for myself...
    • The feeling of being heard, valued and recognized
    • Learning new things and skills that challenge me
    • Having a sense of freedom
    • Just a good cup of coffee

Surround Yourself with Positive People, Including Yourself

The social network around you affects your motivation and mindset. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people who encourage and lift you up. Do they encourage and inspire you, or do they make you feel inferior? Our mental health plays an important role in our lives, and sometimes the first step to maintaining your motivation is cutting out people who don't motivate you.

Routine is Your Friend

Routine provides a sense of structure and predictability, which can be incredibly beneficial in getting motivated. Your body doesn’t have to overcome that first hurdle to get motivated. When we establish a routine, we create habits and rituals ingrained in our daily lives. These habits serve as cues that signal our brain that it’s time to engage in certain activities. Over time, this repetition builds momentum and makes initiating tasks and staying focused easier. Additionally, routine helps to reduce decision fatigue by automating mundane aspects of our day, freeing up mental energy for more critical tasks.

Knowing what to expect and having a clear plan can also alleviate feelings of overwhelm and uncertainty, making it easier to take action. Essentially, routines create a conducive environment for motivation by providing stability, consistency, and a framework for success.

If you’re feeling a lack of motivation, look at your current routine. Do you have good habits that help you succeed?

Time Is Not Your Enemy

As mentioned earlier, times is not your enemy, time is a tool. We all have a competitive spirit deep in our souls, some not as deep as others😊. Time management is for me an important part of motivation. I use the 5-minute rule, set a 5-minute timer and start a task. When the timer stops I have the option to stop or continue. You would be surprised how often you choose to continue. Motivations are often related to overcoming the urge to get started.

Try making a list of things that seem to take a long time to do, and the next time you do them, note the time you spend on them. This can motivate you in a couple of ways. First, you can compete with yourself to improve your time, and second, you can see that they may not take as much time as you fear, and when you know how much time you spend on them, it's much easier to fit them into your schedule.

We can often trick ourselves into thinking that unwanted tasks like housework or going shopping (gasp, I wouldn't say I enjoy them) will take longer than we think. Put that task on your mind and take your time. Not only will you realize that making the bed takes less than 2 minutes, but you'll get the thrill of crossing it off your list, and now you know how little time that task takes, which will help your motivation in the future.

Get Plenty of Sleep & Take Care of Yourself

Sometimes, we are just exhausted and running on fumes. Lack of sleep can wreak havoc on your energy levels and motivation. Are you prioritizing getting enough rest each night to ensure you’re operating at your best? Taking care of yourself is essential for maintaining motivation and energy levels. Make time for activities that recharge your batteries, whether a quiet walk, a hot shower, or simply taking a few moments to breathe deeply. What helps you unwind (scrolling on your phone is excluded)? Be sure to take time each day to do something to care for yourself. It doesn’t have to be fancy or cost money.

For me it's about getting out into nature, either on my bike or just walking alone, and letting my thoughts flow. To stay motivated it's important that you find your happy place to go, your way of meditating.

Just Remember…

Who doesn’t like to be rewarded for what they do? Take the time to reward yourself with a walk in your own happy place, lying on the couch for 20 minutes, scrolling through your phone for 15 minutes, or whatever makes you feel good. Celebrate your accomplishments. This positive reinforcement will boost your confidence and motivate you to keep going. Just be kind to yourself.

By putting these simple tips into your daily routine, you can overcome a lack of motivation and find the energy and drive to tackle even the most important tasks. Everyone struggles with a lack of motivation from time to time. Start small, give yourself grace, and encourage yourself to keep going. Encouragement is a much better motivator than criticism. Remember that progress is progress, no matter how small. Keep taking those simple steps forward; you’ll quickly reach your goals before you know it.